Hollywood tends to depict orgasm as easy, mutual and simultaneous. In reality, many women struggle to reach climax with a partner; while others find they come 'too soon'. Orgasm is complicated but the more you understand, the easier it is likely to be. Common issues include the following.
- Lack of orgasm: This can have physical or psychological causes – or could just be down to lack of foreplay. Some women may find it hard to get suitably lubricated. Others may lack desire. This can be your body's way of telling you that you're not really ready for sex with a partner. It can also be a response to traumatic sexual situations, or various physical conditions. If it only happens on occasion, don't fret – that's pretty normal. However, if it happens regularly, get to your doctor to get checked out.
- Vaginismus: This is a condition that causes the vagina to tighten to such an extent that penetration is painful or impossible. Again, there can be physical or psychological causes. However, there are numerous ways to treat it so get to your doctor: there's nothing to be embarrassed about and the sooner you tackle the issue, the sooner it's likely to be fixed.
- Excessive wetness / orgasm: Some women feel that they come too easily and/or get too wet during foreplay or sex, which can lead to lack of friction and sexual pleasure. Nipping to the loo to dry off can help, though do leave some of your natural lubricant in place if you're planning on having sex as it's there to ease the way. Doing kegel exercises will help tone up your muscles so that you can tighten them up during sex, which should help you both feel more.
- Clitoral sensitivity: Some women find their clitoris is too sensitive to be touched (and most women will have some clitoral sensitivity after orgasm). However, using rear entry positions such as doggy style and opting for indirect clitoral stimulation by cupping the pubic mound, or licking the labia but not the clit can help avoid this painful issue. Do remember that pain is your body's warning signal, so if it's ongoing, see a doctor and get checked out. Better safe than sorry.
Pain is your body's warning signal, so if it's ongoing, see a doctor and get checked out.