For many looking back on their first time, despite all the possible things that could go wrong or the awkward moments that lead up to the moment, the thing they might remember best was getting closer to someone they felt special about. For those thinking of having sex for the first time, it helps to calm down and think things through. It’s important to be confident about what you are about to do, and answering the following questions could help your decision.
Q1. Why do you feel ready?
- I feel sure within myself
- My friends say I’m ready
- My partner says I’m ready
What your answer means: The only person who knows whether you’re ready is you, and if you’re sure, you don’t need anyone else’s approval. But asking your friends or partner for reassurance that you’re ready might mean that you might not be. If you’re unsure, talk things through with your partner and remember that it’s okay to wait. Go for it if you feel comfortable and confident with your decision.
Q2. Imagine you’re naked in front of your partner. Do you feel…
- Confident and empowered
- A little nervous
- Embarrassed, exposed, and worried they’ll make fun of you
What your answer means: If you know you’ll feel like the sexiest person alive when you strip off in front of your other half, that’s fantastic! But don’t be alarmed if you don’t feel ready to swing naked from the chandeliers in front of them just yet. Feeling nervous is completely normal, but if you feel vulnerable, think about whether you’re ready, as trusting your partner is an essential part of having a great sex life.
Q3. Why do you want to lose your virginity?
- I want to feel close to my partner and I know we’re ready
- It will feel amazing
- Because my partner/friends have done it already
What your answer means: Sex is a wonderful bonding experience, but don’t worry if your first time isn’t the perfect, earth-shattering experience that is portrayed in the movies. It’s completely normal if the first time does not rock your world. Like many things, practise makes perfect, and it only gets better from there. But if you’re considering first-time sex purely because everyone else has done it, hold back. You’ll get more respect from your partner – and have more respect for yourself – if you wait until you’re ready.
Q4. What is the most important thing to do before losing your virginity?
- Getting contraception sorted
- Not talk about anything too heavy in case it puts your partner off
- Have your partner tell you they love you
What your answer means: Top marks if you opted for A, as it means you’ve thought about protecting yourselves from STDs and pregnancy. Talking things through and getting prepared can increase the anticipation and excitement and will help bring you closer, too. But if you can’t talk about sex and the responsibilities that come with it, you may want to wait until you can. How you feel is the most important thing (even more important than hearing those three little words), so trust your instinct.
Q5. If things don’t go to plan…
- I know we can talk things through
- It depends, some things are best ignored
- We’ll discuss problems with our friends, it’s easier than talking to each other
What your answer means: Sex doesn’t always go to plan, but being able to talk things through with someone you trust really takes the pressure off. It can strengthen your relationship and by working through any little blips, you’ll make your sex life even better. But if the thought of discussing problems with your partner embarrasses you, or you think it would be easier to talk to friends, you may want to wait. Persevere until you feel comfortable talking about such things and that way, you’ll be more prepared for first-time sex.